When a Father Cries Too Late

Transcript

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[0:01] Well, now it's time for our sermon, and our reading is from 2 Samuel, and they've sort of chopped up the reading because we're kind of going to stick with the highlights, but it's chapter 18, verses 5 through 9, verse 15, and then verses 31 through 33, and it's a story about David and his son Absalom, and that's not a name that rolls off our tongues every day. It's a, it's a, it's somewhat of a minor character, and I knew that was going to happen. Hang on just a second.

[0:44] So Absalom is not a character that we read about every day, but it's a very important, sort of very important, very, you know, pivotal moment in the life of David, and it really alludes to the fact that David was a man of great character, and he was a man of great character, and it illuminates a lot to us. So we're going to look at that today.

[1:02] Let's see. First off, what I wanted to do, and from the crowd, but also in the chat, because we have the chat log showing on the screen right now, and Pastor Victoria mentioned this in her children's sermon, is that we often think of David as, as a man after God's own heart, right? That's how he's described to us, and so he's often this hero of scripture, especially when he defeats Goliath as this little child. It's like, wow, David and Goliath. So, I mean, everybody's complex. Everybody has kind of a range, but how many here or on the chat log would say you have on, on balance, a positive view of David? Raise your hand. If it's on balance is a positive view of David. Okay, good. And in the chat, we had about half the people.

[1:44] Thank you, Eric. We had about half the people. Raise your hand. Anybody on balance have a negative view? Raise your hand. Okay, how about on balance? Unsure. Okay, all right. I'm confused, but the numbers don't add up, but that's okay. We have on balance, uncommitted. That's the same thing as unsure. Okay, let's see. How about in the chat log? I don't see anything yet, but let me take a look here. On balance, how do you feel? Conflicted. Okay, good. Ted put in conflicted. All right. I wonder why that's so latent. Interesting. Okay, so I want to talk a little bit about Absalom, and I'm going to give the background, a little bit of background on Absalom's history before we go to the main reading, okay? Now, Absalom's name means the father of peace, which in actuality is a very bad name for him. He was not one of those people that was named correctly, as we shall see. And there's two, maybe two big stories that we think about when it comes to David's life, right? We think about him defeating Goliath and becoming king. That's kind of one sort of compacted story. He's anointed by the prophet Samuel. And the other story, we really do think about a lot, is his adultery with Bathsheba and the murder of her husband,

[2:59] right? Uriah. Those are two big sort of poles in David's life, and we don't see a lot of stories in between. Now, there are a lot of stories in between. He wrote many of the Psalms. There were other things that happened. He spent time in the land of the Philistines. But then there's some stories that come later in his life, and this is one of those. So a little bit of background on David's family, and this is relevant. And I think actually very interesting. So you may remember that David's first wife was Mishal, Mishal, who was King Saul's daughter. King Saul gave his daughter to David, and she had no children. She didn't give him any children. And also remember that even though David was anointed king by the prophet Samuel, he didn't take power in that moment. He co-existed with King Saul for several years, and the people began to love, David more than they loved Saul. And that was very irksome to Saul, right? Because Saul was jealous. Saul was jealous and angry at David for kind of stealing the spotlight. David was younger. He was better looking. He had a better complexion. He had better hair. Okay, so just I'm really, I'm going to talk about that even more later on. So, but then David had to flee from Saul because

[4:20] Saul wanted to sort of get rid of David. He saw him as a threat to the throne, which he absolutely was. I mean, he absolutely was. He was a threat to the throne. He was a threat to the throne. He was a threat to Saul's throne. And so when David fled from Saul, he married another woman named Ahinoam. And together they had a son named Amnon. You have to, there's going to be a quiz later. You have to write all this down. And together, so they had a son named Amnon, who was David's firstborn son. So this was his first son. This is important in sort of Jewish families at that time, is your firstborn son is pretty important. And Amnon's name means faithful, which was also not a good name for him. So there was a lot of bad news. And so David fled from Saul. And so David fled from Saul. And so David fled from Saul. And so David fled from Saul. And so David fled from Saul. And so David fled from Saul.

[5:17] And Amnon features most prominently in the scriptures because he becomes obsessed with his half-sister Tamar. And this is one of the warnings I gave you earlier. you at the beginning that there's some difficult readings ahead. Absalom becomes obsessed with his half-sister Tamar, and he forces himself upon her. There's other ways of saying this, but I'll say it in that way. And she becomes completely distraught, and her brother Absalom, her full brother, is very angry at his half-brother Amnon. Do you get that? So Absalom is angry because his full sister has been forced upon by his half-brother Amnon. And here's where something starts falling. I mean, obviously something fell apart in this family just in that incidence. But the next step is also very important, which is that David does nothing to discipline his oldest son Amnon for this sin, which it is a sin. It's described in Scripture as a sin. So David doesn't do anything about it, and that makes Absalom even angrier. At David, and at his half-brother. And maybe because Amnon was the first son, or maybe just because he, you know, sometimes confrontations are difficult. They take courage, and David maybe had started to lack courage or lack integrity later in his life. But he did a great job of winning battles and

[6:41] things like that, but in his own family there was disarray, toxicity, and things were falling apart. So Absalom invites all of his intended, his extended family to a feast. Come have a feast at my house. And so actually his half-brother Amnon comes. David decides to stay home because he has other things to do. And when Amnon becomes very drunk, then Absalom slaughters him. So he kills his own half-brother in revenge for what happened to his sister, and then he flees. Now also, so now we have in this family, all sorts of terrible things happening. One son kills another, and what is David going to do? Well, what do you think David does? Same thing, nothing. He doesn't address these dynamics in his family. He just, basically it seems from the scriptures that he basically ignores them. He grieves over them, no doubt, but he doesn't sort of assert the kind of leadership that you would expect a king to have, and somebody that a man after God's own heart would have. It's difficult. And so Absalom flees, for a season, but then he does return to the palace. And he's not punished, but he's also not allowed into the king's presence, which was a sign that he was in disfavor with the king. After two years of living in the palace, but not being allowed into the court where David held court,

[8:07] he was allowed into the court. And that was a signal to everybody that Absalom was restored into the good graces of the king. And so here we have, is this good or bad? It's hard to say. You know, David in a way has forgiven his son for killing his wife, but he's not allowed into the country for his oldest son. But in another way, it just sounds like nothing has really been talked through, processed, worked through. This just kind of these things have come back. And so there's a sign that Absalom is restored, but Absalom isn't done. Absalom is not done. He begins to actively undermine his father, David. And so what he'll do is when people come to the king, as they did with King Solomon, and say, we need some some justice and they would plead their cases before the king and the king would choose one side or the other, Amnon would sit at the city gates and wait for them to exit. And he would find the one that was judged against, the one who had lost the case in front of King David, and said to them, you know what? I would have, if I had been king, I would have picked your side. Wow. You see how that was kind of like building this sort of animosity towards the king, at least among the people who were losing cases in front of David. So there's this active sort of undermining of the

[9:27] king's authority. And also David had to have been aware of this and evidently did nothing about it. And the other thing that we know about Absalom was that he was both handsome and vain, and he had a full head of hair. So I definitely don't like him because I just can't relate him back to my hair. But he was just, he had this long flowing hair and everybody loved him. And so actually then, when he felt that he was popular enough with everybody else, he declared himself king. And here's the interesting thing that we don't always realize. It wasn't even close. A huge majority of people in the land favored Absalom over David. They liked him better. He was better looking. He had killed the man who had taken advantage of his sister. So there was like, here's somebody who's doing something, right? And it's sort of a populist kind of thing. He's the one who's like, I would have taken your side. And so once it becomes known, Absalom goes up to a different place of the country, declares himself king. Many of the tribes rally to his side. He begins a march towards Jerusalem. And David and his advisors look at this army coming their way and they say, we have no, we're not going to win this one. So David actually, instead of saying,

[10:44] fighting and defending the walls of Jerusalem, packs up and leaves. That's what he does. He packs up and he leaves. And so Absalom absolutely comes right into the temple, not the temple, but to the palace. And he sits on the throne. And to just about everybody in the country, David is no longer king, but his son Absalom is. Now, is Absalom a hero or a villain? Well, he's usurped his father's reign. But you know, it's not that different from what David and his advisors were. They're not the same. They're not the same. They're not the same. They're not the same. David did to Saul. The people started loving David more than they loved Saul. And then they started loving Absalom more than they loved David. The people are fickle, right? Absalom was good looking, just like David was. Maybe David was older. Obviously, David was older at this point. And so he had lost some of his youthful good looks. And so the crowd is fickle. The people are fickle. And they chose somebody who they liked better, a person that they thought was taking more action. And so David withdraws from, to a great distance. And he, actually has to hire with his reserves, the reserves that he had, he had to hire mercenaries to defend him because there weren't that many loyal people left in the land who would rally

[11:54] to his side. To whom is this new information? Like, is this new information for you? No, this is new. Okay. Isn't that interesting? Like this happened in David's family and he actually lost his throne for a season after he was made king. It's really fascinating what was going on. Now, this is a miniseries. Like, this is an HBO miniseries right here. You don't even have to do the work. You just write this up. You've got one, you know, you got it.

[12:21] So now we're going to get to a reading and we get to the point where a final battle has to take place. Absalom is finally going to pursue David and David is camped out in the middle of this forest. The forest is easy, a little bit easier to defend. So there's an advantage to the defenders, sort of a warfare thing. And Absalom is about to attack. And where we pick up the story, where we read in our readings and Caleb is going to drop that up, put that up there on the thing. He might have to hide the chat. Go ahead and put the first slide up there. There we go. So now we'll go to our reading. Second Samuel 18 verses five through nine verse 15 and 31 through 33. And we understand all throughout this that David is telling his generals, the people who are running his army, look, the attack is going to come. We think we're going to win, but we want to keep my son Absalom alive. We want to keep him alive. So we're going to to keep him alive so I can deal with him myself, so I can forgive him, restore him, whatever. We don't quite know what David wants, except that he wants to stop losing children, right? So let's go to our reading at 2 Samuel 18. The king ordered Joab, one of his generals or military advisors,

[13:31] Joab and Abishai the Ittai, saying, deal gently for my sake with a young man, Absalom. And all the people heard when the king gave orders to all the commanders concerning Absalom. So the army went out into the field against Israel, and the battle was fought in the forest of Ephraim. The men of Israel, these are the opponents, when we talk about the men of Israel, these are David's opponents. The men of Israel were defeated there by the servants of David, and the slaughter there was great on that day, 20,000 men. The battle spread over the face of all the country, and the forest claimed more victims that day than the sword.

[14:12] Absalom happened to meet the servants of David. Absalom was riding on his mule, and the mule went under the thick branches of a great oak. His head caught fast in the oak, and he was left hanging between heaven and earth, while the mule that was under him went on. And 10 young men, Jacob's armor bearers, surrounded Absalom and struck him and killed him. Then the Cushite came, this was a messenger sent from the battlefield, and he sent a messenger to Absalom, and he sent a messenger to And so David understood that his son had been killed. The king was deeply moved and went up to the chamber over the gate and wept. And as he went, he said, Let's pray.

[15:33] Heavenly Father, thank you for this word, this difficult word. And we ask that you would add your blessing to it in Jesus' name. Amen. Well, what a story. Some of the lead up to it was kind of intense. The story itself is kind of intense. And this has it all. I mean, like this has, it has violence, assault, incest, revenge, rebellion, intrigue, and alcohol, right? People made bad choices when they drink or they leave themselves vulnerable to being killed by their half brother. So there's just like all sorts of cautionary tales in this reading about a family that's, that the wheels have fallen off this family. I mean, the wheels have fallen off. We were kind of joking, not joking before this, but I said, I said, you know, this is going to be a really tough Thanksgiving for this family. You know, when they're all sitting around the table. And then Eric said, no, don't you mean Passover? And I said, yes, exactly. It's going to be a tough, it's going to be a tough Passover after this one, you know, because what has happened in this family? And the reality is we have a patriarch, David, who through inaction or favoritism or judgment, just being caught up in his own mess has left, has really is responsible for how dysfunctional this family has become.

[16:48] We put it on the father. We really do. Now the son made some mistakes. Both sons made mistakes. One thing I want to note, and this is related, is that there are difficult stories in scripture. There are. There are difficult, all sorts of difficult stories like this in scripture. And to me, that authenticates scripture. And what? What I mean by that is scripture isn't like just this fairy tale where there's a happily ever after and the prince marries the princess and everything's great and they kill the dragon together and it's great. It's not like that. It really is a reflection of real life. There are families like this in the world. There are families like this in modern times. There are messed up families. All our families are messed up, but there are some really messed up families like this. And when scripture describes it and doesn't pull any punches, scripture saying, yes, this is the human condition. This is the reality. This is the reality of what human relations and interactions look like when things go wrong. And since it speaks so honestly and so realistically about human nature, I also think then we can trust it when it speaks realistically about God's grace, about God's forgiveness for all this brokenness.

[18:00] So just as this thing is real, this other thing is real too when it talks about what Christ does for us on the cross, how God loves his children so much. And even this story, and this brokenness, as we will see, points towards God's love for his children.

[18:16] So, when we talk about this realistic image of humanity, then what it must be saying about divinity is also real. So the God that scripture describes is just as real, and the anger that he has is just as real, and his cry for justice is just as real, and the grace that flows, the grace that flows to our dysfunction is just as real. And as I've said before, I would much rather live in reality. I mean, this is how the world is. I'd much rather know what the reality is and know the depth of my depravity and the world's depravity, and then the amazingness of grace, than to imagine or create some fantasy that humans really aren't as bad as all this. That most people aren't like that, you know. Or things are really actually better, like this sort of, sort of unfounded optimism about humanity. I would much rather live in the reality as it is, so that I know that God is also real. And that's the theme that this story develops. Now we'll go to the story.

[19:23] Go ahead and look at it in your bulletin, if you have, you just print it in there. We begin to see now where all of David's bad choices have led him. He's lost his son Amnon, he's failed to curtail Absalom, and he had to flee for his own, life. So things are really, like really at this point we're picking up in verse five, are really bad in this family. And as much as he loved Absalom and wanted him kept alive, well thank you Caleb, there was probably no way for that to happen. And I don't think it's very realistic. So David says to his commanders, keep the young man alive. Keep the young man Absalom alive. That phrase is important, we're going to come back to it. Keep the young man Absalom alive. It's important to me that he lives. So, we're going to come back to it. But in reality, there's almost no way that that can happen. If we understand how kingdoms were and royalty was back then, you cannot let somebody who has usurped your throne live.

[20:23] One of you has to die at the end of the story, or both, but not, both can't be alive. It's just impossible. It was never possible or realistic for Absalom to be alive and David to be alive at the end of the story. One of them, only one of them could be alive, because even if they captured him live, maybe David could have sort of forgiven him and tried to restore him again, but yet, this huge majority of the country loved Absalom more. There's no way David could really safely take the throne back unless he defeated his son and proved himself to be the man of action that the people wanted. This is the challenge that the people of Israel got into when they asked God for a king. He warned them about all this stuff. He's like, if you get a king, it's going to be a mess. And this is a prophecy come true over and over and over again. So a king who's had a usurper, and he confronts that usurper, the usurper has to die. He can't just go merrily along. It doesn't work.

[21:22] So Absalom has a good army, and David had an army of mercenaries, so he was at a disadvantage that they weren't really fighting for much more than money. The people preferred Absalom, as king. But Absalom isn't very wise, I guess, because he's lured into making an attack, not in the open plains, where his numbers would have been an advantage, but in the middle of a forest, which you can defend a little bit more easily by hiding behind trees and things like that. And you have time to set up your defenses. So Absalom probably had some hubris, a little bit of pride going into this. He's lured into making an attack into an easily defendable place. And David's forces defend it and put the other army to flight. And those people are either killed by the sword or they get scattered. As I said, the forest took many of them too. And Absalom was not spared. He's caught in a tree, and the Hebrew here is difficult to parse. He's caught in a tree either by his head or by his hair. So there's like a Y-shaped branch or something like that, and he's riding along and his head got stuck in it, and the mule just kept running. And it's almost like Looney Tunes. A little bit, but it doesn't end like Looney Tunes. It really doesn't. And so either he's or he's hanging by his hair.

[22:39] And so this sort of, this story kind of has that, kind of that comeuppance to it, where this thing that was such a source of pride to Absalom, his beautiful flowing hair, his beautiful head, becomes his undoing in the end. It's a little bit Shakespearean, but way before Shakespeare, right? And so he's caught up by his hair or his head, and he's stuck there. There's no, he can't dislodge himself from the tree.

[23:06] And the heartbreaking part is then that these people, on 10 of David's soldiers who heard full well that he wanted Absalom kept alive, they kill him anyways. And I'm not sure what's going through their minds, except they had been ordered to by Joab, who is sort of a toxic individual in David's inner circle as well. But I think all of them are thinking like, the king may have said that because he loves his son, but we can't let that happen, or we'll be having this fight all night. And so they're fighting all over again. So even the army took it into their own hands to end Absalom's life.

[23:42] And so if you want to read about Joab and all the sort of the dysfunctional and toxic things he does, there's more to the story. And Joab is a very interesting and difficult person, but yet it's somebody that David keeps close to his counsels. And so again, it shows a lack of judgment on David's part about who he surrounds himself with and how he manages his own life. And how he manages his own family. So now David gets the news. And here we get one of the most memorable laments in all of the Old Testament. And I read it before, but I'll read it again. He says, This is when he heard that Absalom had been killed. Oh my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom, would I, would that, you could say, would that I had died instead of you. Oh Absalom, my son, my son.

[24:37] And it's powerful. Like that is a very memorable part of scripture. That's way up there in the list of memorable scripture passages because we have this father who has now lost another son to violence. And he's heartbroken. He's heartbroken. It's the father's cry at the loss of his son. And there's this desire on his part that there could be an exchange. Like could I have done, I wish that I had died, in his place. If only it could be me instead of him.

[25:10] And that's something that is relatable to parents. It's relatable to you if you're a parent. Even if you're not a parent, say you have a nephew or a niece or somebody very dear to you who's suffering, and you just say, if only that could be me instead of her. And some of you know that in January, my daughter had surgery, emergency surgery, on her intestines. And she was in terrible pain. And we had to consent to the surgery because the alternative was going to be far worse. And I very much remember in that time saying, if only I could be lying in this bed instead of her. I would spare her this. And there was no way for me to do that. There was no way for me to take place, to swap places with her in that moment. And some of you also know that in that time, I was going through my own health issues. I had a diagnosis of cancer. And I had the diagnosis, but had not yet had the cancer, which has cured it completely. I even saw my oncologist on Friday, and we're just super happy everything's gone. But in that moment, I didn't know.

[26:16] And I found out that day, as I thought about it, that I loved my daughter more than I loved myself. Because I was far more worried about her dying than I was worried about me dying. So I just knew, I must love her more than I love myself. And this is what parenthood does to you. It makes you less of a selfish person in reality. Many things do, but parenthood absolutely does. And it starts off when you change diapers. You're like, I do not like this. But no one else is going to do it. And I love this child. And I want them to be comfortable and well.

[26:47] So that's David. That's all of us. When a loved one's died, when a loved one's suffering, you say, would that I could take their place and suffer instead of them, or die instead of them. Now, if we were to stop here, we would say, well, this is just a sad story. Right? It's like a really depressing story. And I would tell you to go out and have a nice Sunday lunch. And you'd be like, yeah, thanks a lot. You really, this is a real downer. Good job. There's more to this story. And I alluded to it earlier. There's more to the story because in this last sliver, we begin to actually get a glimpse of what God's love looks like. Okay? It's not just a, you know, we can put all the dysfunction of humanity on display and then we could say, now what?

[27:41] You know, if we were to actually have this without God in the story, and God really isn't mentioned in this story. Have you noticed that? It's interesting. Without God in the story, we just say, wow, what a sad, bad story. This is how the world is. This is what broken humanity looks like. But we see here the reality of a father who has not dealt justly with his family. He's not been a man after God's own heart despite what he's been called in other places in scripture by any stretch. This on-balance positive view, and I'll lift my hand now. The on-balance positive view I have of David is hard to sustain. And sometimes my other hand is going up going, David really messed up a lot of things. Not just with this. He killed somebody to take their wife. He killed Uriah so he could have Bathsheba. He didn't kill Uriah exactly, but he arranged for it all. So he's definitely responsible for somebody else's death. And the prophet Nathan comes to him and says, you are the man. You are the one. So David is a complex figure. It's not all good. Yes, Goliath, that's a great story. Yes, these other things that he did, that was great. Yes, he worshiped God. He was a man after God's heart. He wrote the Psalms. But his personal life was a train wreck. So it's a complex picture.

[28:53] And so I can't say on-balance that it was positive. On-balance, I'd say it was human. David was broken. He made mistakes. And he really was a man who reaped the consequences of his mistakes with a family that was full of bloodshed and abuse.

[29:11] In the final moment, though, he is actually the archetype or he's the foreshadowing of what Messiah is. And often the Messiah is somebody who comes in the vein of David, but in an even better way. And so he's actually pointing forward and he says, my son, if only it could be me instead. And I want you to notice one thing in our text, okay? Go back to the very first slide there, Caleb. You can't see it here, but if you look at verse, verse four, it says, the king ordered Joab and Abishai and Ittai saying, deal gently for my sake with the young. The young man Absalom. Do you hear that? The young man Absalom. Here's that guy over here, Absalom. And he's also referred to as the young man Absalom by David once again later in this passage. But what happens at the end?

[30:17] My son, my son Absalom. That relational piece has come into place now. And he's not seeing Absalom as this distant person who's really disappointed him. And he's not seeing him as this distant person who's really disappointed him. He's in a fight against. Now that he's actually coming together, has this sort of moment of clarity, David says, that was my son. That was my son. That relationship is there. And so the connection is there. And the reality of this dysfunction, again, it only authenticates the reality of the grace. Where he says, and I think this is sincere, and not just because he's Absalom's father, but because he is sort of a prototype or an archetype of Jesus to come. Would that I could die instead of you, my son, my son, my child, my child. And when you hear that, I want you to put your name here.

[31:13] And imagine not that David's saying it, but that God is saying it about you. And all the brokenness of your life, and all the dysfunction in your family, and all the mistakes that you've made, and that we are headed to condemnation without the grace of Jesus Christ. God looks down at humanity and says, if only it could be me instead of them. And that's what God does. So this story, as difficult as it is, is pointing forward to what God has in store through Jesus Christ. Jesus is the king that David was supposed to be. And that's the takeaway from this. God looks into the brokenness and the reality of our dysfunctional and toxic families, and he says, I'm going to provide something just as real, and it's my grace. I'm going to take the place of these offenders with my own life. Now, in the case of God, it's with his son's life, but Jesus just as well could be saying this.

[32:16] This is what Frederick Buechner says about this story. And Frederick Buechner is a really, really thoughtful Christian author. He says, David meant it, of course, this thing that he's saying, like David meant it, when he said, if only it could be me instead of you, Absalom, my son. He meant it, of course. If he could have done the boy's dying for him, he would have done it. If he could have paid the price for the boy's betrayal of him, he would have paid it. If he could have given his own life to make the boy alive again, he would have given it.

[32:54] But even a king can't do things like that. As later history was to prove, it takes the king himself, the king with a capital K. It takes Jesus himself to do it. So what David's lament is, would that I had gone in your place, Absalom, he cannot. But later, God can and does. So God is the king. Jesus is the king that David never could be. So it's too late. And that is the takeaway from the story, though, is that, it is now too late. It's too late for Absalom. There's no bringing him back. There's no exchange possible. He's dead. There's no resurrection for him either. And I think that's the one question that we can take with us, sort of as a cautionary tale. Is there an Absalom in our life that it's not yet too late for? Is there a forgiveness to give, a grace to grant, that we need to give before it's too late? We're talking about people, even in our prayer time, that may not have much time left. Are there reconciliations that can happen before we have a lament like that, that we can take into our own hands? And David is also grieving David. Because I think finally at the end of this, he's seeing his own hand in all of this. And he's crying out in lament over his own sinfulness. And I think we'll see David in heaven. I think we'll have some interesting conversations

[34:20] with him about this. What did he learn? How did he grow? And he did grow. He even, he even forgave other people after this. So he, there's some growth that shows after this. It was a moment in his life that again, checked him back into reality, just like his encounter with Nathan did. And so I think we should pray that we can find those people in our lives for whom it's not too late to extend grace. And we can also find in our lives that God isn't done with us yet. And that even the brokenness and any sort of wreckage that we have caused in families or friendships, that God can yet heal that. And God does with grace, the reality of his own grace. Let's pray.

[35:04] Father, thank you again for your word. Thank you for this difficult but realistic view of human life. And thank you that you are, have given us your son, who is the king that David never could be. And we praise you and thank you for the forgiveness and new life that comes to us through Jesus Christ.