Wrestling Changes You

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[0:00] Good morning. It's great to be here this morning with you and I wish we could be here together, but because of COVID, obviously, at least we can meet via technology, which I'm so grateful for. I'm also grateful for the church's continued support of my work in Micronesia, which I can also continue to do via technology. Again, we are really blessed to be able to gather whether across the seas or right here this morning because of that. This morning, we're going to be looking at the 14th chapter of the book of Mark, specifically at verses 32 through 42, which tell of the events taking place in the garden of Gethsemane on the night, which was technically Friday morning, of the day that Jesus was crucified. Scripture describes Jesus' time in the garden as being so excruciating that he was not able to come to the garden of Gethsemane. That he fell down crying loudly and was so overcome with intense emotions that it caused him to sweat blood. Although the Gethsemane story is told in all four gospels, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, I have purposely chosen to use Mark's story of this event because of all the gospel accounts, Mark's is the darkest. And as strange as that may sound, it's actually that dark

[1:25] depiction of Jesus' emotional response to the horrors of his last days that has drawn me time and again to this particular passage. Let's turn there together. Again, that's Mark chapter 14. They went to a place called Gethsemane, and Jesus said to his disciples, sit here while I pray. He took Peter, James, and John along with him, and he began to be deeply destroyed. He said, I'm going to go to the garden of Gethsemane, and I'm going to go to the garden of Gethsemane. And he said, I'm going to go to the garden of Gethsemane. And he said, I'm going to rest in troubled. My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. He said to them, stay here and keep watch. Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible, the hour might pass from him. Abba, Father, he said, everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but you will. Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. Simon, he said to Peter, are you asleep? Couldn't you keep watch for one hour? Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. Once more, he went away and prayed the same thing. When he came back, he again found them sleeping because their eyes were heavy.

[2:46] They did not know what to say to him. Returning the third time, he said to them, are you still sleeping and resting? Enough. The hour has come. Look, the Son of Man is delivered into the hands of sinners. Rise. Let us go. Here comes my betrayal. Let's pray. God, we thank you for the power of your word, that it is profitable for teaching and for growing us closer into your image. I pray this morning that these words would speak to each of us in a way that you want them to speak and that you would change our hearts and that we would come to know more fully who you are. I pray these things in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen. I think it's safe to say that most people are repelled by these kind of sad, um, yeah, really sad, depictions of Jesus. Apart from the horrors and chaos of the crucifixion. I think particularly Christians prefer to think of Jesus in this like perpetual state of calm and serenity. We see this desire of Jesus in a calm state reflected in art. Whether it's stained glass sculptures mosaics or paintings. Jesus is generally shown with some halo about his head and a look of tranquility on his face, that would put a yoga guru to shame. According to one commentator, this has been the case throughout history. Christians have found

[4:41] passages that describe Jesus in a state of unrest, downright offensive and disturbing and distasteful. Furthermore, disturbing depictions such as Mark's passage have even caused embarrassment to whole theological movements, movements that want to assert that Jesus never experienced turmoil or suffering. Each of the four gospels, the writers have nuanced specific parts or aspects of that dreadful night at Gethsemane. When portraying Jesus' grim mental state in the garden, Matthew uses kind of innocuous words, words like grieving, instead of Mark's more emotionally volatile words like deeply distressed. In the Gospel of John, Jesus' grief isn't even mentioned, but Mark's gospel pulls no punches. It clearly shows Jesus in psychological anguish. In the original Greek, if there was, if we could only read the original, Greek, it would really come alive this point. In just the first two verses of that text, Mark uses emotionally agonizing words and phrases that are translated, and here's the translation of them, distressed, being in the grip of a shuddering horror in the face of the dreadful prospect before him, sorely troubled, to be in anguish.

[6:19] Very sorrowful. And surrounded by sorrows. I think it's important that we pay attention to this dark and emotionally intense way that Mark describes the scene in that Gethsemane account compared to the other Gospel writers. This is not to say that the other Gospel writers are wrong. Not at all. It's simply to say that Mark delivers his story story in a very unique way and that uniqueness is significant and we need to pay attention to that one commentator states that Mark's account is utterly Stark and comfortless and if one tries to relieve the scandalous impact of the scene one is preaching something different than what Mark has written Mark's scene makes it clear that Jesus experienced a full range of human emotions so back to why am I personally drawn to this dark depiction um yeah why that why not some other story or another book and I think the draw has to do with my own history you see I tend to be kind of a perfectionist and when I was young and I would think about what my life was going to look like when I was all grown up and married and had kids and all that uh you if you're 50 years old you can probably remember the show Leave it to Beaver and in this show uh June Cleaver meets her husband at the door

[8:02] when he comes home from work and she's so put together her hair looks great she's even wearing heels and a cute little apron and they kiss each other and then they go into where the kitchen has a full spread dinner right on time and house is spotless and the kids the two boys are sitting at the table with their little collared shirts and everyone's so well behaved and everyone's so happy well that was the picture of what I thought my life was going to look like and literally just like turn that upside down on its head and that's what my life did look like and I felt in over my head and I began to panic I was in such a state of stress that the level of cortisol which is the stress hormone in a person's body what was began to affect me physically including and among other symptoms extreme insomnia recovery was a methodical and uh deliberate psychological and spiritual process of grieving the loss of my dream life and coming to terms with the reality of my serious less seriously less than perfect self my less than perfect husband and my less than perfect children it took me years to learn to accept God's grace and years to learn to extend that grace both to myself and also to others and that's something I continue to have to work on

[9:43] in this Garden of Gethsemane account we see Jesus who's my primary role model the person that I most aspire to imitate in all of his humanness for many the amount of humanness that's shown might even be really uncomfortable my perception of Jesus was that since he was without sin he probably kind of waltzed perfectly through life and that no matter what came his way no matter what was thrown at him he probably maintained a consistent aura of serenity and calm how freeing and healing it has been for me to discover through this vibrant account of Jesus under stress that being without sin doesn't mean one is without the messiness emotional and otherwise of living in a simple world every time I read Mark's account of Jesus ordeal in the garden I am shocked at this raw emotionally volatile Jesus the Jesus who was emotionally ransacked at Gethsemane and who both verbally and non-verbally conveyed emotional pain to his father and also to his close friends so we're going to take a closer look at this humanness of Jesus as described in Mark the night Jesus was betrayed in the garden Satan went all out doing everything he could in his power to keep Jesus from the cross because you see if he could keep Jesus from getting to the cross

[11:32] he could keep him from resurrecting and saving all who would believe uh in the garden Jesus was consumed with the the agony to come no doubt he had seen firsthand the horrors of capital punishment via crucifixion doled out by the Roman authorities he was in the throes of excruciating betrayals and the failure of his friends and he was hit with the reality of what it would mean to bear the sins of the world and to experiencing the devastating separation between himself and his father because of that sin Satan was throwing all of this into Jesus face now I'm sure again we're going to move into the humanity the humanness of Jesus that his pupils were unnaturally dilated that he had an accelerated heart rate and trembling and sweating all things of severe stress and even trauma um these are normal human responses to fear his eyes were probably swollen from the hours of Prostrating himself on the ground and crying and begging his father if it all possible to change the crucifixion plan his face was probably a mess with tears mixed with dirt because again he was Prostrating himself on the ground crying so with this tears in the dirt his hair probably was matted all wrinkled and again the dirt would have been on it and probably grass and little twigs and leaves

[13:19] and on top of that he probably had stains all over his clothing from the blood filled sweat yes in the prospect of what lay before him was so disturbing that Luke tells us that as he prayed and as he cried out he actually sweat drops of blood now this is a rare condition that still happens today in our time it's caused doctors say by extreme distress or fear such as facing torture or severe ongoing abuse and death and the modern treatment for this if you have this is antidepressant antidepressants anti-anxiety medication and counseling again listen to how human Jesus is Jesus normal human response and emotional reactions to the abnormal extreme and traumatic events surrounding him caused extreme physiological had an extreme physiological effect but ! the bottom line Jesus does not present a pretty picture he doesn't look anything like the ubiquitous stained art that you'll see in medieval cathedrals nor if you did a quick google search this is not the Jesus you're going to see in those google pictures and he certainly didn't look like the serene image that I had of him in my mind Mark's passage clearly shows this humaneness and the naturalness of Jesus being fully human Jesus was naturally repelled by the horrors that were heading

[15:18] his way and as a human and only 33 at that he has life to live he was wired to do all in his power to protect himself and to sustain his life the conflict between the natural human response and Jesus commitment to submit to God's plan reached a crescendo in the garden God's plan was in direct conflict with Jesus humaneness which was wired for self-protection and for the continuation of life Jesus commitment to follow God's plan at the expense of his humaneness caused Jesus to experience the ! extreme physical symptoms and distress you know shortly into my career as a psychotherapist before becoming a missionary I had a private practice I'd gone over to San Francisco for a conference on dysfunctional families a dysfunctional family is one where the needs of family members are not met in a way that is healthy and nurturing in order for children to do well physically and mentally they need to feel safe in families where there are significant negative influences such as child physical abuse child sexual abuse mental illness domestic violence extramarital affairs alcoholism drug addiction children do not feel safe and in the midst of this consistent trauma family members develop ingenious ways of coping often by learning certain behavioral and thought patterns although

[17:15] these coping skills help the individuals to survive what they're experiencing in the moment they will never help them or enable them or allow them to thrive and tragically these survival patterns generally turn into lifelong patterns and this is a very important part of the process because it's important for them to remember how to remember remember how to remember how to remember remember remember remember remember remember remember In dysfunctional families, no one talks. Our first cardinal rule, don't talk. No one talks about the real issues. So dad comes home, he busts in the door, busts up the house, maybe hits mom, and then breaks some things and passes out on the floor.

[18:28] And nobody in the family says anything. Dad could be passed out, but people aren't talking about this. And they might even just step over passed out dad. No one says to the children, wow, that was really scary.

[18:45] Your dad has a drinking problem and it's terrifying when he's like that, isn't it? And I'm so sorry. And Tommy, I know you broke your important car. How are you feeling about that? These are not the conversations that are happening in dysfunctional families.

[19:06] The message is act like everything's fine and make sure we seem perfectly normal to everyone outside the family in particular. Now, this is really confusing for children because they sense, they have a God given sense something's wrong. This isn't healthy. This isn't normal. So this is their initial response to what's happening. And yet, we're not talking about this. This is their initial response to what's happening. And everybody around them is acting like nothing's wrong and no one's talking about it. So then they start doubting their own sense. They don't trust their their emotions. And even if they wanted to talk about it, they don't have the words because their role models aren't talking about it. So they don't know how they don't have the words because no one is allowed to talk about the dysfunction. these families are usually plagued with secrecy and shame. Rarely does someone in a dysfunctional family express they're confused or their painful feelings. Generally feelings are numbed with drugs, alcohol, pornography, food, shopping, technology, gaming, etc. If a feeling is expressed, the only feeling that's usually allowed to be expressed in these families is anger. When that anger is expressed, it's expressed in destructive ways. Children learn that

[20:40] expressing feelings is dangerous and it often leads to violence and being shamed. They keep their feelings hidden inside and they often end up becoming numb to them. They're not even aware of what they're feeling by the time they're in the family. In dysfunctional families, children do not grow up with a sense of trust and security. You may have heard the saying, if you can't trust your parents, who can you trust? And that's absolutely the truth. In these dysfunctional families, the parents are emotionally absent. They break their promises. They're inconsistent, undependable, and hurtful, leaving children feeling anxious. And having huge issues with trust. Abiding by these three cardinal rules, remember don't talk, don't trust, don't feel, distorts reality and leaves people feeling helpless and alienated from God, from themselves, and from other people.

[21:51] In the Garden of Gethsemane, in the midst of terrible trauma, we see Jesus our perfect role model doing the opposite of these three dysfunctional roles and as a result he ultimately experiences extraordinary peace and strength given to him by God likewise this peace and strength is available to all of us in our times of suffering but when we rely on these dysfunctional roles and these dysfunctional coping skills or when we automatically go to the way our family has always done it our culture does it even if that response is dysfunctional we miss out on the peace that God has for us the peace that surpasses understanding so let's look at the ways that Jesus communicated with God ways that break these three cardinal rules remember don't talk don't trust don't feel Jesus talked he conveyed his internal pain using words he confided in his disciples telling them that he was grieved with a sorrow unto death he's very clear in Greek we can clearly see this is a phrase describing the profound extent of his sorrow so not only did Jesus talk openly about his hurt with his disciples but he also spoke openly about his hurt with his father he even asked if the crucifixion plan could be revised he's very vulnerable and transparent any situations second Jesus

[23:46] allowed himself to feel his god-given feelings we could use the psychological expression he was in touch with his feelings. When in Mark 14 33, Mark says Jesus began to feel greatly distressed and troubled. He uses a powerful Greek word that suggests Jesus was experiencing the greatest possible degree of horror and suffering. He is clearly in psychological anguish. At what awaits him. Now in Hebrews 5 7, it underscores this. It says clearly that Jesus distress and the ways he openly communicated his pain. It conveys that in this verse. It says exactly quote, during the days of Jesus life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death.

[24:55] Because the descriptions of Jesus feelings and actions are so vivid. Scholars believe that this Mark 14 passage just would have to be an eyewitness account because it's so intense. The portrayal is gut wrenching and too real and raw to have been written by an outsider. And the vivid account clearly shows that Jesus wasn't trying to hide his thoughts or his feelings. He wasn't trying to secret keep or to make himself or his family look good or perfect put together.

[25:33] He was being completely real and honest before God and in front of his close circle of friends. And regarding the issue of trust, remember our third rule in Mark's account, we clearly hear the deep trust Jesus has in his father. At his core. Jesus knew that unlike our earthly fathers. God the Father was wholly good.

[26:04] Was wholly trustworthy. As in a hundred percent. So. And because God the Father is so trustworthy. Jesus knew he could trust him. Even with his deepest. And his messiest emotions. He could express his feelings. his feelings, his reluctance, and his fear, knowing that he was speaking to the God of all comfort, the God who is compassionate and gracious and slow to anger and abounding in love, the God who always keeps his promises. Jesus knew he could trust God's plan and will for his life. Because of the ways that we're raised and that cultural upbringing, I know that many of us are uncomfortable with this idea of honestly communicating with God and with expressing our true feelings. I've spoken with so many who say that if they'd attempted to communicate with their parents in Jesus style, their parents would have, responded. Oh yeah. You want to cry about something. I'll give you something to cry out.

[27:28] And then they would have probably been smacked. And the majority of the Micronesians that I work with in my mission work. They're raised to never say anything. Contrary to what a parent says or what a parent is asking. It does not matter what that might be. And for that matter. They're raised. To. not even really share their deep feelings and things that are important to them. And that's seen as like if you respect somebody, this is the way you're supposed to interact. So to show respect for their parents, this is what they do. Now our cultural teachings can make being like Jesus, who readily shared his feelings and his deepest hurts with his father, an uncomfortable prospect. As Christians, we all want to respect and revere God above all others. So again, going back to that cultural thing of our culture says this is what it means to be respectful, or this is what parents want. Then the idea of going and interacting with God, who's like the ultimate parent, in this way that is against our upbringing, is tough. It's uncomfortable. It's kind of scary. We have no practice in it. But honestly, with God, and honesty with God, and even complaining to God has biblical precedent. Not just what we see Jesus doing, which is modeling this,

[29:04] but if you look at the Psalms, 67 of the 150 Psalms are what we call Psalms of Lamentation. Lamentation is the act of expressing our feelings and our doubts. Lamentation is the act of expressing our feelings and our doubts. Lamentation is the act of expressing our feelings and our doubts. This type of prayer is not fully controlled, and it's not polite. In a lament, a person can fully express their grief, and they can even accuse God, although this is often, but not always, followed with a statement of trust.

[29:42] Praying and asking God to change his plan is not considered disrespectful or rebellious, but it actually shows trust in God. It shows trust that God really listens to our prayers, and will respond according to his perfect plan. Praying in this lament style shows a sincere faith. So I'm going to give you an example of this that might make this come to life. Imagine that you've experienced some kind of trauma. It doesn't matter what you choose, and you go outside, and you find a big, huge tree, and you shake your fist at that tree, and you say, how dare you do this to me, tree? And how could you do this to me? I can't believe you did this to me, and you really get into it with that tree. You wouldn't do that. Well, why wouldn't you do that? Because you believe that tree has no power. That tree cannot hear you. That tree will not respond to you. So you see when we express these deep, unsettling, not polite feelings and words with God, it's an act of faith. We're doing that because we believe God has the power. We believe he exists, and he hears and can answer prayer.

[31:12] In Mark 14, we see Jesus, our perfect and healthy role model, really wrestling with God. He is open and honest with God about his desires. He tells God what he wants. He wants a different plan. He tells God what he doesn't want, the crucifixion and the separation, the relational separation. He's emotional, and he goes back three different times to ask God for his love. He goes for the same thing. Scholars believe that each time he was praying, these were over-an-hour kind of prayer, not like a real quick, oh God, can you please change the plan, and then walk over here to the disciple. Oh, you're sleeping? Come on. Then walk over here. God, can you change? No. We're talking hours and hours of this. Now, I know that if I had gone to my parents and spent even, let's just go with one hour, not even an hour. my parents would have seen that as badgering and being disrespectful. That would not have gone over. But we see Jesus modeling this wrestling with God. Jesus doesn't just calmly and stoically accept God's will. We see him instead transparently expressing his feelings with loud tears and please, please. He is, remember, human, although God. He's normal and he's not interested in experiencing that kind of pain, thank you very much. One commentator says that Jesus' human soul shrank

[32:56] from the cross and that fact adds to the sense of greatness and this huge sacrifice that he gave for us. But ultimately, after wrestling, we observe a remarkable thing. Jesus sticks with the crucifixion plan despite the horrifying prospect of that. In fact, many scholars suggest that as a human, Jesus didn't even fully comprehend why he had to stick with that crucifixion plan.

[33:37] But if we remember his life for some great reason. For some great reason. For some great reason. For some great reason. For some great reason. For some great reason. For some great reason. For some great reason. For some great reason. For some great reason. For some great reason. For some great reason. For some great reason. For some great reason. For some great reason. For some great reason. For some great reason. For some great reason. For some great reason. For some great reason. For some great reason. For some great reason. For some great reason. For some great reason. For some great reason. For some great reason. For some great reason. For some great reason. For some great reason. For some great reason. For some great reason. torment, it's really important that you get the juxtaposition here, that after all that torment that he endured, his final words to his disciples are resolute and calm. And he says, the hour has come. Look, the son of man is delivered into the hands of sinners. Rise. Let's go. Here comes my betrayer. Totally different. Although nothing had changed in Jesus' circumstance, actually things were going to get way worse. Jesus had changed. Never again does he ask to be delivered from the

[34:55] agony of the cross. And never again do we see him fearing and doubting. With unshakable determination, he endures what happens next. The mock trials, the shame and the ridicule of the crowds and of the authorities, the scourging, the spitting, the crown of thorns, the nailing of the cross, and ultimately the forsaking of God himself. Can you see what's happened?

[35:34] By wrestling with God in Gethsemane, by talking, by feeling, by trusting, Jesus' heart was changed. And he was given all that he needed to endure Calvary. I'm going to repeat that because we all have our Gethsemanes. By wrestling with God in Gethsemane, by talking, by feeling, by trusting, Jesus' heart was changed. And he was given all that he needed to endure Calvary. When we fail to wrestle with God through hardships, we fail to find the peace and resolve he offers through that hardship. After wrestling with God in prayer, we're going to see that we're not only in the midst of the !

[36:34] Jesus experienced what Paul describes in Philippians 4-7 as the peace that surpasses understanding. So remember how we remember our end end end end end end end end The healthy way to deal with the feelings of suffering, anguish, and pain, and loss is to face it. Not to try to avoid those feelings. Jesus faced his fears head on.

[37:15] And once you do that, then express yourself to God. Only if you allow yourself to feel what you are feeling can you express yourself. But it is possible to feel something and not express it. That is not Jesus' way.

[37:38] Let God know what you're feeling. You see, it's by talking with God, by letting him know that you will receive the fortitude and comfort that you need to be able to face the suffering, anguish, and pain, and loss. And strength to get through it.

[37:54] If you keep it all pent up inside, you will never experience the calm resolve needed to endure and to be victorious. Instead, as Paul says in Philippians 4, 6, and 7, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends, all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

[38:28] That's a promise for those who do talk, who do trust, and who do feel. Let's pray. God, we thank you for the power of your word. We thank you that you are 100% trustworthy and good. We are broken people, God, who need you.

[38:56] We need to be freed from the lies and the difficulties we have with trust and the painful past we have of maybe having tried to talk or feeling our feelings. God, you are holy good. I pray that by the power of your spirit, we would begin to use Jesus as our role model, and interact with you in this healthy way. We would experience your peace that is beyond our understanding.

[39:29] Pray these things in Jesus' name.